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Real Love For Self | Self Love Series

"Real Love, I am searching for a real love," reminiscing to the Mary J. Blige song. I am not just talking about the kind of real love that you get from others and not the love where you just do the bare minimum for yourself. But the type where you acknowledge that you are important, you are beautiful, and you were created to do amazing things. Real love for self and it doesn’t consist of withholding it from others.

Just the mere fact that you acknowledge, that you have to love yourself and take out time for you.

I understood this when I was a teenager. I faced various life-changing events a mother addicted to crack cocaine, fatherless, and sexual abuse by a family member (Listen to Defeating The Odds). Around 16 years old I realized I had to really LOVE me. I didn’t think I was pretty enough, I was slim most would say skinny. I felt as if my ears were too big and don’t get me started on my nose. Also, I had really bad cystic acne. One of my brothers use to tease me about my nose, jokingly he would say I was Scottie Pippen’s cousin (Bulls Basketball Player). I grew up hearing that joke for years and I allowed it to affect how I saw me!!

Until one day, I had this moment where I confronted myself similar to a movie. Where the girl stands in the mirror and tells herself all the things she loves about who she was born to be. It may seem corny but not only did it make me aware of myself it helped boost my self-esteem. I knew I was worthy to really love and appreciate the unique things about me.

Now apply that to today, I have truly been honest and transparent with myself. I address the positivity I add to this world, my flaws, and appreciate me. I tell myself that I am proud of me when I overcome a fear or face a giant. I pat myself on the back when I bite my tongue and avoid responding angrily.

I don’t want to be deep. I just honestly have been showing myself “real love.” It comes a time in life where you have, to be honest with yourself and really appreciate YOU!! Others may not understand it yet, as I have stated before you have to love yourself before you can give that same amount of genuine love to others.

While you are loving you, don't forget to focus on the love that God has for you. One of my favorite scriptures says it best:

"We love because God first loved us.." 1 John 4:19 (NKJV)

It is a constant reminder of his love that is not conditional and is limitless. It's that agape love that we should have for him, ourselves, and others. So I leave you with this simple question: How will you show yourself, real love?

"Embrace God, Love You, & Be Fashioned For Hem!"

Shishandra D.


Shishandra Devlin is the writer, poet, fashionista, and creative mind behind this avenue.  She loves to create budget friendly fits through shopping, sewing,  or thrifiting that are thought provokingly cute, yet economically savvy. 

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